Courtney Sowers: “I had a dream. A vision of sorts, as it felt more real than this very existence we live in.”

This is an interview conducted with Mrs. Courtney Sowers, age 27, in which she reveals her honest account of her encounter with Jesus. It will be told through her point of view.

**Trigger Warning: Courtney’s story discusses depression, suicidal ideation, and abuse**

Hi, my name is Courtney, and I’m 27 years old.

By the age of one, I had been dedicated to Jesus Christ. I knew who He was, but I never took him seriously or truly understood Him. My mother had always insisted on taking us to church, although my only concern was spending time with friends and playing.

At about 10 years old, I had to deal with not having my father around anymore. This sent me into a deep sadness so I figured I would try reconnecting with God for help. But not too long after my dad left, he died of liver failure.

This sent me full force into a deep depression, and it pushed me further away from God. I sought help of a therapist and got on medications, none of which seemed to help. My father’s death left me in such a pit, and I was desperate to find some sort of male comfort. I would pray and pray for God to send me a boyfriend, but it felt like He didn’t care enough to answer me.

It was now clear to me now that I had been using God like a genie lamp.

Because I felt my prayers were going unanswered, my face turned cold, and I once again abandoned my relationship with God.

Fast forward, to age 14, I now had a broken relationship with my mother and was no longer living with her. I was forced to live with one of my relatives who soon began to abuse me. This abuse occurred all the way from my freshman through senior year of high school.

I remember thinking, “HOW could God do this to me?”. And it is in my humble opinion, that this abuse I endured was somehow worse than having my parent pass away.

This was my lowest point. I am knee deep in pain. My own mother has lost custody of me and now I live in chaos and abuse every single day.

Then came one tiny opportunity, that changed everything.

I was invited to go to a church camp retreat of sorts. I was ecstatic to go for freedom, for food, and just to get any ounce of love that I was craving. Unfortunately, those were my reasons, not that I wanted to be closer to Him. But as we know, He has surprises in store.

One worship night at camp in a large auditorium, we were all praying and singing praise to the Lord. I felt myself open my heart and speak to God and asked Him to please help me. In my true heart of hearts, I bared my entire soul to Him and showed Him how broken I was.

Suddenly, I just felt a swarm of hands all over my back. I opened my eyes to see virtual strangers hanging onto me to show me an all-encompassing comfort that I needed so badly.

This was the very first time I felt a small presence of God.

Unfortunately, church camp had to come to end. I was forced back to go my abusive living situation.

Thankfully, God showed me an out to my situation. I made it through to graduation, found a supportive boyfriend (my now husband) and I finally mustered up the courage to escape my torturous situation. My husband takes me with just the clothes on my back and we leave my old life behind.

It’s now been many years at this point since I have seen my mother. She was facing serious addiction issues, and this is the main reason why we had been apart. But I still wanted to try and mend this relationship.

I found out around this same time that I had become pregnant, and I let her know that if she ever wanted to be around her grandson, she had to get clean. Amazingly, the Lord answered my prayers, and my mom went through the process of becoming drug-free and removed herself from a horribly toxic relationship. My faith had grown. What had started as a simple seed, was blossoming over time. And yet, I still felt my relationship with Jesus wasn’t where I had wanted it to be.

My child was soon born, and my husband and I were living in a stable situation; with lots of love and hope in our hearts. We had moved right across the street from the church I so frequently had visited as a child. Everyday, I would hear the church bells radiate through the skies and wonder to myself,

“When am I going to go back and open that door again?”

The year is 2017, and after being a new mother and wife, I decide I need more. So, I decide to take a step back into that church. All around me I saw people who loved others as much as themselves, and freely gave away their love, support, and compassion.

This hit me hard. A huge realization. This made me look inside myself.

I realized I didn’t have any of those qualities, and why is it that I don’t?

I sat outside in the church garden, staring at the beautiful neon cross, and it sent me into a feeling of remorse for all my past wrong doings. I could see how blackened my heart was in this moment. I thought, “Look how I am compared to these people, He surely doesn’t want me.” Although I had a wonderful husband and beautiful son, I still could not manage to mend the hole within myself. I went back and forth and distanced myself from God yet again.

Thankfully in 2020, I started opening my Bible and reading His word. I was trying my best to learn about Him. I was attending weekly Sunday services. I was working overtime to absorb all things Jesus. I finally felt that I knew Him better and understood His law. My belief flourished. It was then in 2020, I was baptized. Soon thereafter, He blessed me swiftly. We had healthy twins, bought a new home, and a new car. It felt like my life finally had some peace.

And then, of all that could have happened, He blessed me with the most beautiful gift of all. I had a dream. A vision of sorts, as it felt more real than this very existence we live in. I saw a figure of a man, holding his arms outstretched and he was adorned with gold and highlighted with a piercing bright light. I was unable to see His face.

My entire soul instantly felt a sense of peace and true love that I have never felt. Any pain that existed within the hole of me was instantly healed, it simply had vanished. I awoke and said, “WOW! It was Jesus!”. Without even seeing His face, my soul knew it was Him. Joy flooded my body, mind, and soul. The shock from my vision lasted through the day and weeks to come. I can’t believe He had chosen me to have this vision of Him!

To this day, I have no emotion I can pinpoint to even describe to you what that moment felt like to me. Truly miraculous, and indescribable.

This vision equipped me with spontaneous knowledge that my entire life’s path was meant for me and that I had to face what I did to come out on the other side. This experience helped change me and bring me closer to Him in many ways. I soon was able to find a forgiving heart and forgive the people who have betrayed me and hurt me along my journey. It reminded me of how Joseph overcame the betrayal he received from his own brothers who sought to murder him.

My favorite Bible verse that speaks to me most is: Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

In closing, I’d like to say a few things to someone who struggles in their faith or who needs advice. I want to say that it is SO important to try and open yourself up to God and trust Him. Being born into this life is not a guarantee of things promised or for simplicity. He makes all the bad things easier, and anything is possible when you trust Him. You can try to run from Him, turn your back, but He will still be there and never abandon you. There will always an open door where He can come in and change your life.